You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
