She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
