Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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