You smell like stripper and shame
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
