I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
