i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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