I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
