just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
