Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
