can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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