The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize