You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
