Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
