he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
The air taste purple.
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