I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
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Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
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exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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