Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
