see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It's rum buckets o'clock
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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