Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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