Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
