If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
