i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Randomize
