Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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