I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
