im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
