Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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