She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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