your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
