his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
