just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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