3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
