I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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