I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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