It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
