I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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