what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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