I want to stick my p in your. b.
well you can't waste a boner
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
