remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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