We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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