Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
