Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
