12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
