the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
