No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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