I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
