It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
