Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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