No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
