i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
