After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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