Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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