They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
