He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
