I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Did you just see the Batmobile???
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
