I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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