Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
