i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
