I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
