she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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