Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
