We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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