Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
