We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
