the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
