capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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