if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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