Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
