We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
