she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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