im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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