dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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