I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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