What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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