it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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