Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Randomize
